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The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will
be the official language of the European Union rather than German which was
the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government
conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has
accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make
the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of
the "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less
letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the
troublesome "ph" will be replaced with the "f". This will make words like
fotograf 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to
reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always
ben a de terent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes
of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away. By the
4th yer peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and
"w" with "v". During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords
containing "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten
styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu
understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru. If zis mad
yu smil, pleas pas it on to oza pepl.

Vsaka podobnost z nemščino je zgolj naklučje.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu
understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru. If zis mad
yu smil, pleas pas it on to oza pepl. ---> ajnštajn

HA ha tega se bojo bosanci v mojm klasu veselil pisi kao sto govoris :p


LP PiLLLe

Three men, an italian, a spanish and a french are applying for a job
in England. Before the interview, they are advised that they will have to compose a sentence based on these three words: green", "pink" and "yellow".


The italian starts: "I wake up in the morning. I see the yellow sun. I see the green grass and I think to myself, I hope it will be a pink day."

Then the spanish gentleman:
"I wake up in the morning, I eat a yellow banana, a green pepper and in the evening I watch the pink panther on TV."


And finally the french:
"I wake up in ze morning, I hear ze phone "green...green...", pink up the phone and I say "Yellow?"...



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Five Germans in an Audi Quattro arrive at the Italian border.
The

Italian Customs agent stops them and tells them:

- "It'sa illegala to putta 5 people in a Quattro."

- "Vot do you mean it'z illegal?" asks the German driver.

- "Quattro meansa four" replies the Italian official.

- "Qvattro is just ze name of ze automobile", the Germans retort

unbelievingly. "Look at ze papers: zis car is designt to kerry 5
persons."

- "You can'ta pulla thata one on me!", replies the Italian

customs agent. "Quattro meansa four. You hava fivea people ina

your car and you are thereforea breaking the law." The German
driver

replies angrily, "You cenzurirano! Call your zupervisor over, I vant
to speak

to somevone vA-z more intelligence!"

- "Sorry", responds the Italian official, "he can'ta come.
He'sa busy with a 2 guys in a Fiat Uno.



_________________




A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation.

The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:
"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time."

"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady idignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."


:P :P :P