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Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills People.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
There is no chin under Chuck Norris' Beard. There is only another fist.
Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer
Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
The quickest way to a Man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.

sej jih je še naprej pol.. še ene 3 strani

lp

jaz mu pravim Chuckie (saj veste katerega imam v mislih)
Tip je res totalni lol :P

Mi mu po domače rečemo Čukov Boris!
:P

Chuck Norris was once in a knife fight, and the knife lost.

How much wood, would a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck, could chuck norris
pa na hitro izgovarjajte

He would chuck as much Norris as he could chuck, if a woodchuck would chuck Norris :P

Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist

It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."

Those aren't credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger; it is actually a list of people that Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked in the face that day.

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack.

Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."

Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.

Chuck Norris played Russian Roulete with a fully loaded gun and won.

Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

There are two kinds of people in this world: people who suck, and Chuck Norris.

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

Chuck Norris has the light on when he sleeps, but not because he is afraid of the dark, but because the dark is afraid of Chuck!

When Chuck Norris was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's Chuck Norris!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.

Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't apologize. He just stares at them till they realize it was indeed their own [cenzura] fault for whatever happened and they apologize.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death

It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

There are in fact 31 letters of the English Alphabet however only Chuck Norris knows what the extra 5 letters are.

Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris CAN touch MC Hammer.

Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one

When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but

because he has run out of women.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the
information he wants.

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds
till."
After you ask, "Two seconds till what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the
face.

Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.

Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related
deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another
fist.

It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a
pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more
pirates to him.

Chuck Norris once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a high
school football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the
referees to let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. Chuck
roundhouse kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then
proceeded to bang every girl in the stadium.

When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck
said,
"Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back
five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw
it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry
sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a
roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."

Those aren't credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger; it is
actually
a list of people that Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked in the face that
day.

If you unscramble the letters in "Chuck Norris" you get "Huck corn,
sir." That is why every fall, Chuck travels to Nebraska and burns the
entire state down.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke
the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while
she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead
decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter
he
grew a beard.

When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from
cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also
requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat
on
his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK
assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his
beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and
unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was
finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his
soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and
admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every
second
Wednesday of the month.

A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck
Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned
beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and
saying "booya".

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling,
"Bang!"

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on
Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His
reasoning? It was more "humane".

Chuck Norris often asks people to pull his finger. When they do, he
roundhouses them in the abdomen. Then he farts.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are
trademarked names for his left and right legs.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck
Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take yours. If
you're thinking to yourself, "That's impossible, I already lost my
virginity." then you are dead wrong.

Chuck Norris uses a live rattle snake for a condom.

Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before
they attack.

Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck
could
chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU
RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat.
Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't
f--k with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony
of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile
radius of the blast went deaf.

Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was
removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a
roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's
no glitch."

Chuck Norris once walked down the street with a massive &&$%ion. There
were no survivors.

Chuck Norris can win a game of Monopoly without owning any property.

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris
allows to live.

When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and
instead requests a handgun and a bucket.

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could
use
to kill you, including the room itself.

Chuck Norris has always been able to find Waldo, except for one time.
He
found himself stumped on the last page of Where's Waldo Now?, not being
able to find the Waldo without a shoe. He threw the book down and
screamed, "This is BULL$!@%!" They're all wearing shoes." He then
proceeded to eat the book and exclaim, "IF I CAN'T FIND WALDO, THEN NO
ONE CAN!" The book he ate belonged to a child that he had borrowed it
from. The child began to cry and Chuck ate him for good measure. The
incident has since been refered to as Christmas.

Chuck Norris once beat Super Mario Bros 3 without even touching his
Nintendo controller. He just yelled at his TV in between bites of his
"Filet of Child" sandwich, and the game beat itself out of fear.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of
tennis.

Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.

When Chuck Norris jumps into a body of water, he doesn't get wet. The
water gets Chuck Norris instead.

Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

If you were to lock Chuck Norris in a room with a guitar, a year later
you would have the greatest album ever, it would sweep the Grammy's.
When asked why he doesn't do this Chuck Norris replied "Because
Grammy's
are for queers." then he ate a knife to show the seriousness of his
response.

Chuck Norris was the hunter who shot Bambi's Mother. He then wore her
carcass like it was a coat while he made his rounds at the local
children's hospital.

Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

When Chuck Norris was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's Chuck
Norris!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the
third
girl he had slept with.

It takes 14 puppeteers to make Chuck Norris smile, but only 2 to make
him destroy an orphanage.

Chuck Norris is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with
lactose's $!@%.

On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be
thrown into the sun.

You are what you eat. That is why Chuck Norris's diet consists entirely
of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.

In fine print at on the last page of the Guiness Book of World Records
it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those
listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever come to
matching him.

When Chuck Norris runs with scissors, other people get hurt.

Magnetic compasses do not point toward true North - they point in the
direction of Chuck Norris. He just likes to sit on a lawn chair and
shout, "Jackets are for pussies!" at the Acrtic researchers.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's
pushing the Earth down.

Not only was Chuck Norris the first to shoot a baby out of a cannon, he
was the first to eat a high velocity baby shot out of a cannon.

mitja_m2 ratal ti je 4 poste narest madona!

lp

Če boš pogledal uro, boš videl, da namerno.

Slide je napisal/-a:How much wood, would a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck, could chuck norris

pa dj no Glih jedu sm sezamovo kiflco, usta sm meu pouhna, pa sm se tolk nasmejau, da sm z nosm razpihau sezam povsod naokol

zakaj so Chuck Norrisa iz igrce ven vrgli

ker bilo kero tipko si stisno je krožnega dal

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

http://www.nochucknorris.com/

Chuck ne potrebuje ure, on se sam odloči koliko je ura. :P

-If America would sent Chuck Norris to Iraq, Osama would surrender instantly without even thinking of escape

-If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you

-There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control

-Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice

-When Chuck Norris looks in the mirror nothing appears. There can never be a second Chuck Norris

-Bigfoot takes pictures of Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris je brcnil konja v glavo in ustvaril novo živalsko vrsto. Pravimo jim žirafe.

Death once had a near Chuck-norris experience

HAHAHAHA